Our time and space artist-in-residence Rowena Gander reflects on her second national tour of solo performance Barely Visible as the first half draw to a close. Content warning: References of homophobia.
Now that the first round of Barely Visible tour has ended, I am writing this blog to offer some reflections on what I have learned from touring Barely Visible. Throughout, I write from my perspective as the performer and creator of the show, as well as the project manager and workshop facilitator. To follow the structure of the tour, I will organise my thinking into the following four parts — pre-show conversations, workshops, shows, and post-show conversations.
Pre-show
Pre-show conversations were included as part of this tour to offer a safe space for people to share their experiences / thoughts on lesbianism before watching the show. Participants did not have to identify as lesbian to take part, and there was plenty of participants across the gender / sexuality spectrum. Due to time constraints, I could not run all pre-show conversations, so Claire Bigley, producer, also a gay woman, facilitated some of those conversations for me.
The structure of the conversations were loosely based on themes of pre-tour dinner conversation, which I have written about here, but what differed about the pre-show conversations was the focus on acceptance and space for creativity and discussion. For instance, whilst many participants expressed that times have changed, and there has been a brief boom of acceptance, they felt like hatred, homophobia and transphobia are rearing their heads again. One person said he was recently attacked, whilst another was called a ‘gay bastard’ on public transport. Clearly, still much work to do.
With my interest in finding empowerment through my own creative practice, participants in each conversation were asked about their means of artistic expression and if it aids their ability to see and accept themselves at all. There was a positive response – one person wrote poetry, another experimented with makeup, another with nails and other feminine activities, whilst another simply used words in powerful ways to talk about their sexuality in group discussion. All members of the groups agreed that having a space to talk was crucial to their overall sense of wellbeing and happiness.
Workshops
Though I have been teaching and facilitating movement workshops for many years now, I am always struck by the powerful nature of autobiographical work. In workshops I lead on autobiographical content, I strive to create a safe and supportive environment, and, in doing so, I witness a simultaneous expression of vulnerability and power, that I rarely find in other spaces. The depth of vulnerability and strength is teased out through multiple movement and writing techniques, but I think the most significant point in my delivery of those methods is that I assure participants that even when movement is literal, the audience might not be able to read it movement for movement, like they would if they were hearing them speak word for word. I say this because it gives them permission to go deeper, to explore their physicality in a more abstract way that might be, at first, somewhat secretive towards the onlooker. This builds up confidence to share parts of themselves that might be raw or personal at the time. My only regret during each of the four workshops is that they were too short. Two hours is great for tasting the work, but a 6-8 hour duration would push the depth and thus provide a richer experience for the participant.
Show
During the two national tours of Barely Visible, plus numerous in process performances and sharing’s, and rehearsals, I have performed Barely Visible to 18 different audiences in 15 different venues. Over this time, my relationship with the work has changed. “Processing” became not only a key theme for me, but also amongst audiences who have asked me questions about the semi-autobiographical nature to the work – they have been curious about the impact of the work on my health and have asked whether it has been difficult listening to the discomforting sound score. My answer has always been relative to my motivations to make the work and how I don’t feel like I am ‘processing’ the content of the work anymore. Personal frustrations and challenges of societal commentary on lesbianism do not feel as big as they did, which makes me see the power of autobiographical performance on the performer. To expand, I see the magic of creativity and because myself and director Elinor Randle chose to curate a powerful ending to the work, whereby I appear fully in control, I can deal with the darkness of the show with ease because I know how it ends. I am also confident in my ability as a performer, and the training I have gone through, to put myself in different emotional states. Additionally, because I wrote so extensively about the work when I was making it, I can be reminded of the states that originally motivated the work in order to express it.
Due to the physical nature of the work, I should also say that I am much physically stronger for having performed the show — what literally cut and burned my skin in the beginning of the process, the pole, now hardly leaves a red mark. From this, I am reminded of the resilience of my body and its ability to recover.
Post-show
Post-show conversations / Q&A’s with myself and director Elinor Randle took place 15 minutes after each of the seven shows. I would usually start off by explaining my motivation to make the work, and this would often spark a fluid conversation between us and the audience in the room.
Whilst it is great for me to report that audiences have sincerely thanked me for making the show and have expressed their new found inspiration to stop hiding, I also have to underscore how people have felt challenged by the work, and how one group of lesbians were angry because nothing has changed since they made work on lesbianism in the 80’s, albeit not in dance or physical theatre. I think it is great that the show evoked an honest response in them, but I should clarify that I am not trying to change the world with this show, I am simply offering my experiences to audiences so that they can reflect on their relationship with lesbianism. My goal as an artist is not to have everyone walking away celebrating my strength, my technical prowess, or my ability to offer a raw and vulnerable performance, instead, my goal is to provoke thought and I believe Barely Visible has achieved that on many levels.
If you want to experience the impact of Barely Visible and its thought-provoking quality, then there are more opportunities to do so, so check out the pay what you decide links below.
Pyramid Arts Centre, Warrington, Friday 23 Jun 2023, 7:30pm.
Get tickets HERE.
Dance City, Newcastle, Thursday 13 July 2023, 7:00pm.
Get tickets HERE.
Visit www.rowenagander.com for more information.
Each strand of the tour, pre-show conversations, workshops, shows, and post-show conversations, has taken me on a journey, as much as it has done to each of the participants who engaged with it. I am encouraged to hold myself accountable to making new work that references my lesbian sexuality in some way – I have spoken to audiences about a potential duet that focusses on the nuanced relationships between lesbian couples, so maybe that is the next piece. Until then, please enjoy the resources below and use them as inspiration to make work that is true to you.
Resources
Dinner Conversation on Lesbian Visibility in the Arts. Click HERE.
Lesbian Representation on Stage. Click HERE.
A Day in the Life of a Touring Solo Artist Vlog / Blog. Click HERE.
Impact of Lesbian Representation on Stage. Click HERE.
Acknowledgements
A huge THANK YOU to Arts Council England for financially backing Barely Visible for two national tours, Tmesis Theatre and Physical fest for their ongoing support with my work and development as an artist, and to Metal for mentoring and providing a space for audiences to engage with my written work on the impact of lesbian representation on stage and vlogs on the day in the life of a touring solo artist. Finally, the biggest thank you to every person who has engaged with this project in some way.
